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pandoramail

Creates weird things.
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Ok so what was I doing?

I guess there was a game, a webpage and a Patreon at one point. Oh, and a dA page for years and years.
Uh-huh.

Yeah well, I always wanted to made a game. Made so many god damn prototypes. I guess I felt it was the time to mix it up, do something different other than sleazy renders on slow machines. Man, so many prototypes! What, 60, 70 of them fuckers? Damn. I wonder how many keyboards I wasted coding all that snazz... Well, considering that I've never had a proper, formal education on how to make games, or code for that matter, let's treat it as a painful, long, fruitless learning experience.

Wait a god damn minute! I've never been educated on how to make 3D as well! Holy shit, wait, so I've learned this myself, like 10 or so years ago on a crappy AMD machine, bought with my first paycheck from McDonalds? Damn. Damn damn damn. I mean, I can't draw, so it's kinda smart to learn an app or two that would let me undo every single mistake for hours and days of failure and "learning". Huh. Smart. Kinda.

You know, when I think about it, the whole shtick was the best, I could do what I love, express my perversions and stuff and some people seemed to enjoy it. I kinda liked it. Damn, I liked it a lot, I still do. Transferring what I've imagined in my perverted mind to screen was the bomb! Even if it rarely looked like what I had imagined. Damn, almost never. But hey, when you have 4GB of RAM, no skill and no money to do it in free time it kinda does look as it does.

Won't I freak people out with a post like this? Ah, screw it, I have half a beer left, lots of smokes and honestly I don't care. Sometimes I just miss it all, the "fame", the comments, other people actually taking interest in what I do and how I do it. Oh shit, yeah, then there's the commissions. Man. Man oh man I'm so bad with those. Literally lost a lot of sleep because of my inability to either make them done, coping with the feeling that I'm forced to do something I don't like, don't find interesting or just feel that I'm so overdue with that I need to produce a masterpiece.

And in the meantime I've started to feel the effects of all of this. Yeah, it's one thing to look at porn or erotica from time to time. It's another to always focus on it, always try to find ways to improve making big boobs, to frame an ass in a shot in a perfect way, to find another perverted situation to get another victim into. Damn, like, how does my brain cope with this? If a render takes 8h to complete, it's constantly on my mind how it comes off. And then there's 2h of post production. And a whole night of refreshing dA or whatever page to feed on comments and reactions. Oh yeah, and the whole picture took about 5 days to create. That... can't be healthy.

Shit, but I love it, ok? I'm super bad at it. I take years of breaks, trying to figure out life, love and how to make the perfect toast bread. I don't announce myself much. I disappear. I disappoint. I'm stupid like that. I'm weird, random, perverted, depressive, hyperactive. I'm unorganized.

I'm pandoramail. Hello, again.
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Ladies and gentlemen!

It's late, it's still not perfect and I will still work on it, but here it is, the PDR Skin V8! It took me about 4 months to prepare in total, but I hope the results speaks for itself. It's relatively fast to render, looks vibrant and correct in most if not all situations and scenes, is really easily tweakable (the change from dark skinned to light skinned form took toying with literally three parameters) and robust. It's hella complex, that's for sure, and it takes a bit more memory than I anticipated to render one character, but I can derive a "light" version later on, probably stylized or just for characters in the background. I'm really, really pooped at this moment, as I pushed myself to finish this usable version today and luckily finally had some breakthrough with it. Reading the renderer documentation for the XXXth time really pays off, it seems. Anyway... if you have comments - comment, if you have questions - quest! ;) Note, that this is still a WIP character, so no tweaks, no fixes, pretty basic hair setup (which I will go in depth in my next journal dealing with the new character model / workflow), and low & dirty render settings.

Behold!

Pdr Skin V8af-01 by pandoramail




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Help Me by pandoramail

What can you see just above is a tiny part (the full thing can be seen in the navigator in the top right corner) of the new skin / body material setup, which I guess is the 8th iteration of this shader and is about 80-85% complete. If all goes well it should be completed in a couple days, no more. Yeah, I know it looks like a cat played with the yarn in a spaghetti factory while being electrocuted, but here why it's good / better than the last one:
  • takes advantage of new VRay Skin shader vs the old SSS2 one, which renders better and faster, provides more control over it
  • almost 100% procedural - skin, eye, hair, lipstick, makeup, nail polish, blush and sweat controls all controlled by simple exposed values
  • transgender - usable for both female and male characters (my new rig is also transgender, accepts both female and male morphs, more on that in the next update)

So as you can see, I'm not really sitting on my ass doing nothing, and just because I haven't posted any truly new stuff doesn't necessarily mean I'm not working hard to get back better than before and finally focus not on development but rather on something that I can actually upload.

Love,
pdr



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Coming back.

1 min read
I'm working! Argh! There must be progress! I'm around again, don't worry. Thank you so much for showing such great support (which I couldn't even dream to get nor do I deserve it)! I'll post some meaningful info this weekend, I promise.

Thank you, sorry,
pdr

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Hello there, dear deviants!
I think I'll finally take a minute (probably more, knowing my rambles) and talk about what's going on with me right now.

First of all, my new comic is out! I'm talking about seXXY or Serial Experiments XXY of course. I know I didn't promote it much during development, but it was so fast and demanding that I didn't have much time to play marketing and such. Sorry for that. As you might read yesterday it's out and costs 5$, available at my web page. If you want to check the details, please go ahead and visit this deviation.

Promo Sexxy 3 Da by pandoramail

Now, I feel like I need to do some explaining. First of all - why is it the first part again, and not the whole thing, with the main action? Well... that's because of three things - one is I wanted to feature a story. Yes, I know it's not popular with most of you and I understand that. I didn't mean it to drag on, but it just came this way - characters were talking, scenes were flowing... And when I arrived at page 50 and discovered that a certain arc has come to an end it would take another 50+ pages to do the heavy stuff (I mean pervy) and another ~30 pages for a proper closing... I would have this long, probably costly thing, with elements that some of you might find unnecessary or unappealing. So I decided to split it into two or three separate chapters, later re-released as a whole. That way if you decide you don't want to read, just watch you could skip this one, save some money and go straight into the main stuff.

Second reason is that for it to be considered "complete" it would take me another 2 or 3 weeks. But don't be discouraged by it being the first part - I know how I'm with starting things that I cannot end for some reason or another. This time it's not the case - in reality I already had around 10 pages for chapter 2 before I even released the first one. I know I can finish it, I am actively doing, I already planned the whole thing, prepared the scene and characters in a proper way, and I'm actively working on it every day in some way. That and my new renderfarm tool helps a lot too, doing the heavy lifting while I try to catch some sleep.

And there is also the third reason... The worst one, I'm afraid. I'll be blunt and say it out loud - due to some sh*t that kept happening last month I'm broke. Had to fix my car after an accident, been to the dentist a couple of times (I'm not under any dental plan for your information), had to pay an overgrown bill for electricity (renderfarm slaves waiting idly the whole day for a job, that was before I coded my app - it conserves so much energy putting them to sleep when not needed!), had to pay for a lawyer (those... prices... wow...). All in all - I'm in kinda deep trouble right now, as I'm not able to pay my rent as for today. And the deadline was... yesterday. Hm. You know - I really want to be an artist and I get it - it's tough as nails, especially if you don't have a good start. My back hurts, I've ran out of coffee today, recently I'm eating a whole one meal per day (I cook myself, ordering is a waste)... But even if that's the reality I still want to do what I've been doing so far. I want to do it more efficiently and I'm improving (after coding my app making seXXY took about 2 weeks!), I want to bring what I've promised so much, I want to... And I'm working on it, day by day. So to summarize - if I wanted to keep doing what I had envisioned I had to release something! I put all my strength into this project, hoping it will be a fun read. And hopefully it is, for some of you. If you find it fun - than that's what counts! Thank you!

So here you have it... If you have any questions about anything - just write, you know how to find me. :) Also, I have to ask... If you would happen to have any idea how I can improve, what I can do better (or differently), where should I and my works appear.... Anything that could help me stand on my feet again - just please let me know! I would appreciate it in a way you probably can't imagine! I'm really fighting for this and I don't want to give up no matter what! Had some thoughts about that, but then I realized that if I let go this "career" (I don't really consider it a job... more like a... lifestyle?) I have really nothing to look up to, nowhere to go and nothing to do.

pandoramail

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Featured

Consciousness stream by pandoramail, journal

Presenting PDR Skin V8! by pandoramail, journal

Help Me! (not really, just a progress update) by pandoramail, journal

Coming back. by pandoramail, journal

seXXY #1 - 3DX Comic + news by pandoramail, journal